The Leadership Trait That Makes Every Other One Grow

Effective school leaders have many excellent traits. Today I want to focus on one that, in the leaders I admire most, is always well developed. There’s a causal relationship: the more developed it is, the more effective the leader. 

It also compounds: the more you have of it, the faster you grow, and the more the people around you grow too.

What's more, it's available to everyone, right now. You don’t need any particular title. You probably used it today. And you can start building more of it today, too. 

The trait is self-awareness: seeing yourself with increasing clarity. It means understanding how you show up, how others perceive and react to you, and your habits and tendencies. Above all, it means recognizing and learning from your mistakes–especially the real ones, the ones that hurt someone.

I interview a lot of senior leaders. Once, I asked an aspiring Head to describe a mistake from years earlier, when he was a department chair. Many candidates reach for something harmless, trying to put their best foot forward. This one didn't sugarcoat a thing. He told me he had settled an argument over curriculum with a teacher colleague by challenging him to a public debate and then “crushing” him. The teacher was humiliated. The leader apologized and tried to repair things, but the relationship was never the same. Then he described in detail what he would do differently if he could go back.

This leader was hired, then became an extraordinary Head whom top-notch administrators and teachers trusted, admired, and followed. I don’t think he would have become that leader without fully owning that mistake. And the way he told that story showed how much he'd learned and grown as a leader.

So build your self-awareness, starting today. A great leadership coach is worth having, but these three ideas are free or low-cost.

1. Name your FIBs. Feedback-inhibiting behaviors are the things you do, often without realizing it, that make it harder for others to be candid with you. (Don't forget that the higher up you go, the less people tend to give you adjusting feedback.) Write your list, show it to people you trust, and ask whether you’ve got it right. Then watch for when and how those behaviors show up, and start adjusting.

2. Read some good books. Start with Radical Candor by Kim Scott. Focus first on one thing: getting critical feedback from the people you work with. Those of us in independent schools are often reluctant to give colleagues hard feedback, so you’ll need to draw it out. In What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith asks you to consider which strengths carried you to where you are but may no longer serve you as your leadership grows.

3. Run your own 360. Choose about eight people who work directly with you and ask them to think in advance. Then ask straightforward questions to elicit their feedback: What do I do well, and what do you most appreciate about working with me? And how could I be a better colleague or leader, meaning what is one thing I could change that would make me easier or better to work with? Then comes the hard part: listen closely, and repeat back what you heard to make sure you’ve got it. Digest the results with a mentor, decide what you’ll work on, and go back to those colleagues to share your commitment.

None of this is a one-time exercise. The leaders who keep growing are the ones who keep asking and who make it easy for others to answer. How about taking one of these steps this very month?

P.S. What did you think of this blog? Did you find it helpful? Did it provoke some thinking? Did it get on your nerves? What else would be useful to hear about from me and us at RG175? I welcome and appreciate your feedback too. Let me know your thoughts at diego.merino@rg175.com